treated!

my best friend from undergrad is gettin married
she called me 10am the morning it'd happened
but since then i hadnt been told the date

and that im not one of her 'attendants'

im tryin not to be bummed

but exhibit J: i have no "girls" i have no best friend. all my number ones have number ones.

i cried
im a punk
im hurt
we'd had this conversation when she came to see me in chicago summer before last..she came to a kid sister rehearsal (ie twirlin flags in sam's yard), we went to the lake and to the bean, and we ate pizza in my neighborhood..... thats where we talked about how all her other friends were geographically closer but emotionally so far away compared to me

womp womp i slipped

i never fit in with them anyway

i saw that they had a wedding website and a date set and i jumped up and down and invited will to be my date.. "would you still wanna be my date if im a bridesmaid?"

psych.
duh.
dummy.
lonely silly dummy.

i just thought we were closer than that
and while its not my party

it was gonna be the first wedding that id be in where i actually knew the bride and groom, was familiar with and cared about the relationship, and was genuinely EXCITED for them

ive been in teh wedding party of relative strangers before
but you know what i guess that arbitrary decorum that inserts people into high-rankin weddin positions cuz they're related or whatever is what she's avoiding, which is right on the money

girlfriends. love that show. lived vicariously thru it i guess lol.
i always thought they relied too much on each other, callin powows for every single little thing. but who do i call?
who calls me?